It's a date!

OK, things are looking up. I finally have a surgery date - February 12th. Just far enough away to give me some time to plan and prepare, but soon enough to suit me. I wasn't at all comfortable with the idea of putting this surgery off, so I'm glad they found me a date early in my requested window of time. I need to have an EKG done prior to the surgery, which will be simple since I can go to the Kaiser facility next door to the campus where I work to have this done, on a walk-in basis. If I'm up to it, I will go home after surgery (it's outpatient, so I expect to go home the same day); if not, to Mom's until I'm able to be on my own. Primary issues will be pain management and possibly dealing with a post-surgery drain thing which I may or may not need help with (and may not even have - it will depend on how things go on the day of surgery). Then, if things go as planned, I will begin radiation treatments a week or so after surgery. I think I described those briefly in an earlier post, so won't bore you with that again. My spirits remain high and my outlook positive. I had a very helpful session yesterday with my counselor Alisa whom I haven't seen in a couple of years, but we picked up as if no time had passed at all. She thinks I'm doing great, and her only concern is that I allow myself time to grieve as much as I need to. I tend to want to start crying in meetings, or while behind the wheel of my car, or at other inappropriate times. I need to ensure that I allow those squelched feelings to surface and deal with them at more opportune times, so I will henceforth be scheduling time to cry. Imagine! What a world we have created, where we have to schedule grief into our busy calendars. Please don't think that I'm depressed or sad - that is not the case. 98% of the time, I am quite positive and happy. But there are times when the reality of the situation becomes overwhelming to me or scary, as I'm sure you can understand. Anyway, the worst thing is that I will have to miss a quilting class I had scheduled on the evening of February 12th, unless maybe Mom could wheel me in there on a gurney....

Quick update - surgery date

I've learned that the estrogen level at the time of surgery can have an effect on survival rates in premenopausal women, especially when their tumors have tested positive for estrogen and progesterone receptors, which mine has. In light of this, I will be asking for my surgery to be rescheduled to some time later in the month of February. More later....

Long time, no post

I apologize to those of you actually following this blog - it's been a busy week with work and school picking up pace. Here's the scoop: I decided on Monday to move forward with a lumpectomy. I learned yesterday that the surgery is scheduled for Thursday, February 7th. I'm a little disappointed to wait so long, but at the same time I have a lot I want to do to prepare (mentally, physically, and emotionally) for the surgery. My spirits are high - I'm truly feeling very positive about things. I feel extraordinarily lucky and I remind myself of this several times a day. In particular, I am lucky to have the love and support of so many precious friends and family members. I feel your support and I am very, very appreciative of it. Some of the things I am doing to prepare are improving my overall health (through exercise and nutrition - and I've cut out herbal supplements that might have blood thinning properties), reducing stress levels (through biofeedback, breathing exercises, and yoga), and learning as much as I can about the surgery and recovery process and ways to speed healing. If all goes as planned, I will likely begin radiation treatments about 2 weeks after surgery. Radiation has come a long way, but is a bit arduous: 5 days a week for 5-6 weeks. I understand that you are in and out in about a half an hour, and there is a radiology unit nearby in Escondido, so I'll be able to go over during my workday. There may or may not be some fatigue and some skin damage ("tanning") from the treatment. The radiation is directed in such a way that it does not damage any underlying tissues or organs, so I don't need to worry about that aspect. Nonetheless, if I have radiation I will plan to do whatever I can to mitigate its possible effects, expected or otherwise. I will try to do a better job of posting, so you'll know how I'm faring. But know that I am confident in my care providers, confident in myself and my ability to cope with what lies ahead, and confident in your love of support. The most important things I've learned these past few weeks is that I am surrounded by angels, and that I am a lucky, lucky woman!

What a difference a day makes

Something happened yesterday. I don't know for sure what it was, but it has made a big difference for me. I snapped out of a depression I didn't know I was in. I think it was a combination of things. The nurse in the plastic surgeon's office Tuesday night was actually an angel. That's where it started. Then I met two other angels yesterday - one was Kaiser's breast cancer program coordinator and the other was Ann, one of Kaiser's survivor/volunteers. If you're looking for angels, there are apparently a lot of them working for Kaiser Permanente in San Diego.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better about things - less overwhelmed and more confident in my ability to make the decisions I have to make. Breast cancer and its treatment are very complicated. It's great to have so many treatment options, but it's almost too many. At least it seems that way when you've just been told you have cancer.

At any rate, I learned that plastic surgery is no cake walk and the decision to go that route is based on a number of medical and personal issues. Lumpectomy with radiation presents its own issues. And the fact is, until surgery - whatever kind - we won't know the true size of the tumor and how much tissue must be removed, nor will we know whether lymph nodes are involved. And if they are, additional surgery to remove lymph nodes would be required. I wish there were a way to know that ahead of time, but Kaiser will only perform the lymph node biopsy at the time of the lumpectomy/mastecomy operation. Results of the biopsy take up to a week.

In light of this information, I have decided to go to a quilt show tomorrow - the largest show in California - with a couple of close friends. I am leaning toward lumpectomy with radiation, but expect to have a final decision made this weekend. I want to get the surgery/biopsy over with so that I can move on to whatever comes next.

Forgive me if I don't respond right away

I've gotten so many kind and thoughtful e-mails, with encouraging stories, and good advice and resources to look into, and offers to help. I was trying to keep up with them, but I've lost that battle. So this is my message to all of you who have not had a response from me - Thank you! I am reading your messages and I am so grateful to all of you for taking the time and caring enough to send these messages. Please don't stop. But please do forgive me for not responding. I hope you understand, and know that I am taking all of your kindness and helpfulness to heart. It means the world to me and I don't know what I'd do without you.

About BSEs and mammograms

I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I have had regular mammograms for several years now. My last one was July 2007. It's very likely the tumor was there in July, but the mammogram did not pick it up. The reason for that is that I have very dense breast tissue, which mammograms are not good at imaging. My point here is that - had I been doing regular BSEs, which I had not, I may have discovered this thing much earlier than I did. It has been there for a while. 1.9 cm is about 3/4". (That's the size it appears to be on ultrasound - actual size may be smaller or larger.)

When I went in for the clinical exam (hands on exam by a nurse) on 12/31, I was allowed to feel a model of a breast that had models of tumors in it. The "tumors" were hard and deep. I had never felt one of these before, and I highly recommend that you ask to feel this model next time you have an exam - it's very educational. My own breasts - thanks to the dense fibers - have always felt lumpy and bumpy to me, which made self exam a rather frustrating and discouraging process - which bumps are old/new? which are good/bad? which are me/not me?

Bottom line - please don't put off your BSEs, and please learn to do them properly (see video linked below), and please ask to feel a model and get input on how best to examine your own breasts. If you have any concerns despite a clear mammogram (expecially if you have dense tissue), ask for an ultrasound.

So many women I've talked to recently have admitted they don't examine regularly. All of this is up to you. No one else is going to do this for you.

Okay, I'll stop preaching. For now. Have a happy day! :o)

Good ultrasound news

My ultrasound revealed nothing on the left side - a great relief. I will have a consult with plastic surgery (just in case) tomorrow night. Will have to decide soon about the type of surgery/treatment to have.

This darn cold - since I started on a new antibiotic yesterday, I was hoping for a dramatic improvement today, but that hasn't really happened. I cut out dairy yesterday (almond milk is good, I think - can't really taste anything right now) and drank a hot tomato tea all day (V8, garlic, lemon juice, cayenne, and hot sauce-all you can handle). I think those two things have done as much to provide relief as anything. Symptoms are better today which is a relief, since I haven't been able to breathe for several days. And breathing is kind of important, unless you're a fish. So I may not have a sinus infection, just a bad cold, but since it's my third cold since December 9th, and since I'm prone to developing sinus infections, and since I've already started the antibiotics, I'm going to finish them.